Hell, Dreams, Hell
[Earth] I just had my last exam of term test 2 ( midterms ) of my last sem. Specifically, this time of the year has always been difficult for me. As time went on, semesters went on it became increasingly difficult for me to keep giving those meaningless exams. To mug up the answers, only to forget it the day later, to fill pages and pages of assignement sheet ,for it to end up in trash.Spending hours and hours on this process for it to be lost and forgotten. This growing disinterest has been continuing to the point that I am barely able to muster up the strength to study for it or even write answers in the exam despite knowing the answers. During a day before this exam, I stumbled upon a Signalis fan animation video. I have known about Signalis and it was sitting in my watchlist(yes i hadnt completed any game prior to this. I was mainly watching playthroughs) for about a year now. I always loved the aesthetics and music related to it and the comments further strengthened my opinion that it might be something i like. But just couple of days before this exam I am not sure why I just downloaded Steam , bought signalis and started playing it. I wonder … [This space intentionally left blank]
[Signalis] (there are going to be spoilers for Signalis)
Signalis is a survival horror game with this really haunting, retro-futuristic vibe. It draws from older classics like Resident Evil and Silent Hill at least that’s what fans say, since I haven’t played those myself. But even without that background, something about Signalis just clicked with me. The atmosphere, the music, the quiet way it tells its story it all hit me harder than I expected.
a Replika (cyborg) named Elster and a Gesalt (Human) named Ariane has been signed up for an penrose mission where they would be searching for new planets and resources beneficial for humans , and due after a failed misson their spacecraft has crashed into an unknown planet and Elster boots up to find out Ariane is missing from her cryochamber ,and now you as Elster searching for Ariane (her lover). As you explore a cold, decaying world filled with mystery and memory, the line between reality, dreams, and identity slowly breaks down.
I would like to bring a very specific aspect of Signalis particular the story of Ariane , the human who has signed up for this penrose mission. Ariane Yeong ,a very quiet and thoughtful person , living with her mother on a some hilly region of rotfront(one of the planet in there solor system) , away from everyone, This gave us a very unique positon where she was able to try different things and got fond of drawing , listening classical music, and reading literature. And this wasnt very common because of the world they live in. Signalis’s world is totalitarian, cold, and structured around obedience and function. there is constant war between Eusan empire and Eusan nation due to which individuality isnt honored, you need to server gor your nation to make it prosperous. Not too long after after Ariane also need to leave her home to go live with her aunt in city because she needed to do the actual “study” that the nation wants to everyone to do. She doesn’t fit well in the city. Her teachers remarks -
“The girl, without a doubt, is remarkably odd, certainly due to her being raised solely by her mother, rather than by a community of good people overseen by a block warden as is normal these days.”
“Her obsession with paintings, music and other such nonsense was clearly implanted during her time living in the mountains on that desolate radio outpost.”
“And surely, her friendship with those Vinetan-born Itou sisters also exposed her to some of the questionable literature that is illegally sold in their parent’s bookstore.”
“She does not seem to understand that these distractions are no longer acceptable now that she must partake in the society of our Nation like anyone else.”
“Personally, I can only hope military service will beat those frivolous ideas out of her in a way that this school has failed to do so far.”
Nor does she gets along with her classmates except few , resulting into them bullying her. Resulting into those daily alone lonely train rides. Eventually she also needs to go mandatory miltary service experience same things there as well. some how she completes her miltiary service and now is time for her new posting. Her new posting being working as a worker in Serpinski’s (another planet ) mines. One say during those lonely train rides at the nights. She sees poster of Pensrose program, a one way trip to deep space where you mission is to find new habitable planets for the nation . She feels this is thje only way to escape , she doesnt care about finding planets or helping the nation. But she could be free in the space , with no survellieance, no restriction, free to paint , dance , read and listen to music. Even though there no chance of returning , why would she want to. She applies for the program and gets selected. Perhanps This was her way to get out of hell that she was in , living everyday without a purpose that is not yours , keeping in hidden deep inside you. So deep you sometimes get scared to lose it in those dark dephts.
On Penrose she gets to be herself , no one to intervene , theres just she and a replicant there , she has lots of time to what she wants, Elster models are designed to be reserved and advised to not indulge with them and let them be alone and not be shown any pictures and music to avoid destabalization , yet Slowly Elster and Ariane becomes friends , and eventually lovers . Araine did escaped from the hell , into space , into a place where she can do what she love and she has someone who she loves. Penrose was that sweet dream that she dreamt of and now its reality.
[Earth] I wonder , picking up whether picking up signalis was my way of escaping from my hell , with having lots of things to do that i actually wanted to do , having forced to do this thing which i dont want to and getting enough of it , so much so to forego all the worries and just boot up a game couple of days before my exam to leave all the worries of failing it (like how ariane didnt worry about coming back alive). Perhaps this was my way of escaping the hell . I think signalis was my Penrose.
[Signalis] But like how every sweet dream eventually ends , this one too vanishes , after several years , they havent found any planet, and they limited resources are vanishing , The Penrose ship is deteriorating, and is on its last leg, the fuel is running out , the radiation protecting shield is gone , Ariane’s health is deteriorating , she is getting more and more ill and spending majority of time in her cryo chamber , both of them trying pull together this rupturing fabric of dream, The mission was meant to last 3000 cycles but they manage to pull together till 5400 cycles ,this sweet dream gradually turning into hell each cycle, maybe the happiness was only for that short while…
[Earth] My penrose also started to beginning to reach its end. I was reaching towards the end of the game, and i completed it , my first game , I loved it , It was one of a kind experience of immense feeling of Sorrow, Confusion , Sadness , Bittersweetness. But it was the night of day before the exam , My sweet dream also came to end . And the hell approached again .No matter how far we get away it catches us .
Dreams sandwitched between hells.
And i think this cycles goes on, for an individual, with many individuals and if none of us here are by choice then I wonder … What awaits beyond the threshold
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